Thievery and Other Crimes
by Lady Hallen
Summary: The story of how Xanxus got Verde plutonium for his birthday.


**Day FOUR of KHRRAREPAIRWEEK2018**

 **Warnings: Superbi Squalo, Larceny, do not follow Verde, Improbable physics,**

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Verde lived in a world where people could fly and sprouted new limbs every other week or so.

Since he wanted to protect himself (and maybe join the ranks of superheroes), he invented a time distortion device, capable of bending time around him just a little, so he had an advantage, no matter how miniscule.

Being the smartest man in the planet widened that miniscule advantage.

The problem came from...

"Come on, it's just one break-in," Verde said, not even trying to wheedle. Years of experience with Xanxus, Class A superhero and best friend told him what would happen if he started to _whine_. Xanxus hated whiners and had the tendency to shoot them first, ask why later.

"Trash," Xanxus grunted, not even looking up from his wine bottle. "That's what you said last time you dragged me to Russia to get yourself some enchanted moonshine from the enclave."

The incident in question made Xanxus a superhero and elevated him immediately to Class A. Magical intoxication and fire powers do not mix well. Verde would appreciate what happened more if he could actually remember it. Unfortunately, all camera's within one mile melted and all others beyond that were too blurry to distinguish anything.

Except fire. There was a lot of fire. And screaming.

"This is different," Verde said, seating himself down and preparing for long haul. He needed plutonium and he would not stop until he convinced Xanxus. Fire powers were very good, but Xanxus made it better. He controlled heat, refracting the light and effectively making himself camouflaged.

Camouflage abilities were _brilliant_ for breaking into secret government facilities. And fire powers for escape – except that would be for a last resort. He doesn't actually _want_ Xanxus to lose his license as an operating superhero.

"How _exactly_ is it different?" Xanxus demanded, finally looking up from his wine bottle.

"I need it for real, Xan. Really need it. The Time Distorter won't be finished without it," he said. He could, of course, go into an exposition on _what_ the Time Distorter really was, but judging by the level of liquid left in the bottle, Xanxus wouldn't be in the mood to listen like he usually did.

Xanxus rolled his eyes and – no other word for it – snuggled into the bar stool.

Verde didn't want to, but he was desperate. "Xan. A birthday gift. You owe me one."

Xanxus surged up in indignation. "No. You don't do this to me, you shitty scientist. I was in Antarctica, saving the penguins from a ship. It wasn't my fault I didn't finish in time for your birthday."

"It was a great birthday," he sighed, stealing Xanxus's bottle. "My best friend just wasn't there. It was a bit depressing."

"Fuck you!" Xanxus roared. " You're an asshole. Did you want the penguins to die, is that it?"

Verde sniffed, dropping the act flawlessly. "No. But if you had me with you, then maybe you would have finished faster."

Inexplicably, that shut up Xanxus's cursing.

"Y - you," Xanxus stammered. "You fucking idiot."

Verde smiled at him. "You're a great friend. Thanks, Xan!"

Xanxus spluttered in indignation.

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Area 51 was supposed to be a secret, a myth.

Not to Verde.

All the experiments that weren't supposed to see the light of day were all stashed there in secret. So _of course_ he knew some of them. Technically, a certain number of those experiments were his, but no one would ever hear that from him. He had a reputation to maintain.

Xanxus would be grumbling if it weren't a stealth mission. He had that expression that warned people in the vicinity that he would start shooting soon if he didn't get his hands on a bottle of vodka.

(Whatever dimension portals the bratva had the tendency to cook up, Verde couldn't deny that they made amazing alcohol.)

Verde found the stock of plutonium near the back, not even protected very well. His felt offended on principle.

"This is offending me," he whispered to Xanxus.

Xanxus rolled his eyes, looking fond even as he obligingly stepped closer to minimize risk of the camouflage falling.

"Stop fooling around and get it," Xanxus whispered back.

Of course Xanxus couldn't understand that he needed the _liquid_ plutonium and not the solid, unrefined one. Unprocessed plutonium needed a lot of equipment to turn it liquid and Verde's simple lab couldn't do it. Or rather, he could get the machines to do it, but then he'd have the government breaking down his door again _and that's not the point._

A few more minutes of scanning for the right color of the liquid and Verde finally pocketed the samples just in time for the alarms to start ringing.

Xanxus cursed, grabbed Verde by the hand and started hauling himself up towards the window.

"Fuck this, fuck this friendship, I hate you," Xanxus muttered under his breath, a litany of mumbling even as he pried the window open with his bare hands going red at the tips, the metal steaming slightly upon contact.

The gunshots start ringing and both of them ducked as a bullet ricochets near them.

"If we die here, I'm going to murder you," Xanxus snarled.

Verde might be running on adrenaline at this point, but he ignored Xanxus – not a very good idea – and placed one drop of plutonium on his Time Distorter.

The device immediately started whirring and letting out a high pitched whistles. Both of them stared at each other, wide-eyed.

Verde's only thought was that Xanxus's eyes really weren't red but a warm amber. Then time _slowed down_ and he had the sense to start shoving Xanxus's unresponsive body out the window.

A click, he could feel the device powering down, and time moved properly again.

Verde almost dropped into the concrete before Xanxus caught him in midair, the fire-powered propelling boots on his feet working like a charm.

"You-what-?" Xanxus started before shaking his head. "Your time shit working properly then?"

Verde nodded and started laughing.

"You magnificent bastard," Xanxus said, tightening his grip on him as they flew off.

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Verde officially became a superhero, licensed Class B, when he saved the mayor from getting thrown out of the window.

It's not even part of any plan of his, and he's just really in the wrong place. But when the glass starts to shatter, Verde had been in the office to submit his report and had the dubious pleasure of coming out as a superhero.

He didn't have a problem with this, spontaneous was good. Spontaneous was _great_. Except...

"You shitty asshole," Xanxus grouched from his sofa after breaking in. "You had your superhero coming out and you didn't invite me."

Xanxus was a good friend, but he was very bad for Verde's stock of alcohol. It's a good thing he hid the enchanted moonshine at the back of the pantry. He did not want a repeat of the Incident of The Melted Cameras in '87

"It wasn't planned, don't be stupid," Verde said. "In fact, I can make a ruckus for you?"

Xanxus rolled his eyes and knocked back a shot.

Squalo, Superhero Class A with the ability to summon swords, smirked. Had been smirking since he helped Xanxus climb through the window.

"Xan, you can still help design the costume," he said with that wicked grin that got hordes of his fangirls screaming. "You can add the skin tight pants and a lab coat. Maybe glasses too."

Xanxus' hold on the bottle tightened, the skin of his knuckles turning white. There was a delicate red flush climbing up his cheekbones and he glared at Squalo.

Verde was just confused. "Why skin tight pants? I understand the lab coat and the glasses. I can place in so many things with the proper materials into glasses."

Xanxus took another shot while Squalo almost fell off the chair laughing.

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Of course, Verde's confusion cleared up in the morning when Xanxus stumbled into the bathroom while Verde was brushing his teeth to vomit up half his stomach lining in the toilet bowl.

He was wiping his mouth while Xanxus rinsed out the taste with mouthwash, but for one moment, their eyes met again, just like at the warehouse. And Xanxus's eyes were warm. Like...

Verde,smartest man in the world, lost any comparisons he could make.

Because the awareness that he had been attracted to his best friend since the day Xanxus shot up like a weed and grew his hair out had been thrumming at the back of his mind.

Xanxus saw that awareness in his eyes and smiled.

"Smartest man in the world," Xanxus said with a huff.

He looked at Verde with those improbably warm eyes and he realized that yes, his best friend, was going to kiss him.

It's a good thing he used mouthwash, was Verde's last thought before his brain went quiet, the press of Xanxus's mouth on his an improbably warm and soft sensation that shorted everything else out.

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 **If I made people ship this, then my job is done. :D**

 **Reviews please!**

 **~hallen**


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